The Old Me Would Have Screamed
Before I had my massive weight loss a few years back, if I had tried to lose weight and gained a pound it would have been the end of the world. I would eat every carb in sight, punishing myself for what I would perceive as something I had done wrong.
I weighed myself today, and I did not scream even though I weigh one pound more than when I started this project five days ago. Last time I lost between 1/4 and 1/2 pound per day. Yes, I had a lot of weight to lose back then and yes, I was younger. But still…
Did I get discouraged?
No. I had a brief moment where I thought, “Oh crap. All that work for nothing. What the…?” Because I know that my weight fluctuates depending on how much salt I’ve eaten, where I am in my cycle, how much sleep I’ve gotten, and how much water I’ve ingested, I did not throw in the towel at this piece of bad news. I’m really not expecting to see any change in my weight for about two more weeks. That may be hard to swallow for some, considering all the “miraculous” results we see on television and read about in magazines, but it’s the reality. There are many, many factors to consider when it comes to actual weight loss.
Just because I haven’t lost anything measurable on a scale doesn’t mean I’m not losing fat. Actual weight loss hinges on too many variables to hang our hats on one particular element. Fat loss, rather than weight loss, is something you can feel. Fat loss can be judged in terms of looks and clothing fit. Sometimes we need to say, “To hell with the scale!” and continue on. Could I have given up? Yes. But…
I look at it this way: I can either lose, maintain or gain weight. The first two are OK. The third is not. That’s how I ended up here.
Continue reading ‘Losing Weight – Day 5: 1 Pound Up’
Read Day 1 – The Struggle
Read Day 2 – M&Ms
Read Day 3 – Eating at 2 a.m.
Right about now – days four through seven or so – your body is getting a clue as to what’s going on. You are eating less and moving more. In nature, that means one thing: The famine is coming!
Your body holds onto fat for one reason – to get you through periods of starvation. What it doesn’t realize is that there really is no famine..that there is plenty of food to go around (at least in our nation of excess). All it cares about is that you are depleting your stores of the very thing it counts on to keep you alive: Fat. And now it’s fighting back.
Today I am starving. Not literally starving, but the kind of starving where my body is sabotaging me. It’s sending signals to my brain to trick me into eating. “She’s tired.” “She’s hungry.” “She needs cookies.” It’s one of those collaborations that are deadly to our weight loss efforts. Right now it would be soooo easy to grab that spoon again and dip into the frozen yogurt. It would be so easy to eat half a bag of Oreos (and I don’t even like Oreos). It would be so easy to bake some warm, yummy cornbread and slather it with butter, feeling my tension melt away and quiet the “starving” voices in my head.
This is where I need to stay focused and ask myself. “Am I going to let my body win? Am I going to let my body’s quest to keep the fat ruin my efforts?” No I will not.
And do you know why I won’t give in? Because I have done this before.
I lost 82 pounds in 2003/2004. I know the drill. I know the feelings. I know the pitfalls. And I also know that I can give in today, but if I start again tomorrow, in 4-5 days I’ll be faced with the same situation: wanting to break down and eat a bunch of things that are physically not good for me (but mentally – mmm yes.) Just because my body said so.
My theory is this: Take pain now or take it later. I’ll take it now. It won’t be any easier tomorrow.
Continue reading ‘Losing Weight – Day 4: Famine’
March 3
Read Day 1 – The Struggle
Read Day 2 – M&Ms
I guess I did not eat enough yesterday since I found myself awake at 2 a.m., searching for food. I settled for half of a protein bar, then went back to sleep. I usually don’t wake up to eat, but obviously my body was looking for calories. I’m just lucky I did not have any Cheetos around. 
I did make an effort to sleep last night, and slept in until 8:30 a.m. Felt a bit sluggish and tired this morning since I am not used to sleeping, but worked awhile, then exercised for 30 minutes. I started training with kettlebells again. I hate kettlebells. I really do. I love them, but I also despise them. Love/hate.
Kettlebells are the hardest thing I know, so I went easy on myself and did only two sets of double arm swings (x25), one set of single arm swings (x15 total), cursing out every number – 10 – f*!@ – 11 – sh*t – 12 – f!%@. To add insult to injury, I did one set of deep kettlebells squats.
So why do I work with kettlebells if I dislike them? Because they rock. And I’m a glutton for punishment.
Continue reading ‘Losing Weight – Day 3: Eating at 2 a.m.’
March 2, 2010
If you read yesterday’s post you would have noted that I was full of vim and vigor and ready to lose weight. Today…today I am tired. And wanting this baggie full of M&Ms sitting in my drawer.
I stayed up too late again last night and am feeling it today. When we are tired, we often turn to sugar to “perk us up.” Yes, we know it’s a temporary perk but everything in life is temporary, is it not? And though it won’t solve anything in the long run, in the short run that sugar rush feels just so fabulous.
Shall I eat those M&Ms?
Continue reading ‘Losing Weight – Day 2: M&Ms’
March 1, 2010
135 pounds (eek)
Size 6 (eek)
Four years ago I weighed 116 pounds (that’s my “after”picture, above”). A respectable weight for a woman 5′1″. Two years before that I weighed 198 pounds. NOT a respectable weight for a woman my height (to learn how I lost the weight initially, read the My Story page). Now I weigh 135 pounds and am determined to lose eight of them by my birthday at the end of this month, with the remainder by the end of April. Can I do it? I don’t know. I’ll be 44. My body wants to hoard fat. But I will try. Will you join me? Support me? Cheer me on? Hmmmm. We shall see.
I used to rock the free world. 2006 was my absolute strongest year. I climbed mountains on my bicycle, rode 100 miles in a Century, smashed every barrier I knew to prove to myself that I was no longer a big, fat failure. I was a killer Spinning instructor and a rockin’ personal trainer. I was truly at the top of my physical game.
What happened to make me lose momentum? I got divorced.
Continue reading ‘Losing the Last 15 Pounds, Day 1: The Struggle’
